'...an emotional response to a perceived threat. It is a basic survival mechanism occurring in response to a specific stimulus, such as pain or the threat of danger.' (Wikipedia, 23rd march 2010)
I do not know what i have been doing for the past 3 months in college. All of a sudden, when the questions are given to me, i just couldn't... answer them. I guess i have been pretty much slacking for the first quarter of the year, i think, the only one thing i have a clear sense of, is none other than my commitments towards the Corps that i have been giving from the beginning of the year. Looking at this year's batch of 'A' Levels Graduates from yj, really freaked me out. Other than the top 30, the rest received (sorry for the harsh language), rubbish and nonsensical grades. And to top it off, none of them is a 20-pointer. I'm really starting to get worried for my future. Is it really true that how you did for your Os translate into the As grades? If not then explain to me why the fuck MOE would consider even an award called Value Addedness wherein if you are a 12 pointer, you are expected to score 6 Bs for As, and if got an A, its called Value Added? I mean, this entire thing is freaking the balls out of me. And i definately not gonna end up like my seniors, thats for sure, thats the promise i made to myself. My family is depending on me for their future.
Fear of failing. Fear of meeting expectations...
This year, i basically found out more about myself. In particular, my fitness. And to tell the truth, i'm basically ruined. Gone are the days where i can just face the pull-up bar with confidence and do 10 with no problem. Now? I can't do nuts to even pass my NAPFA. And you know what? BMT is looming round the corner. And if i don't freaking get a Silver, there goes my extra 10 weeks of breaks. And i definately ain't happy about being in Tekong (for that matter), for a whole 5 months. All i ask for is that i get enlist in April, pass out in July. And get my ass into OCS. No way im gonna spend 10 weeks earlier just because i couldn't get an effing Silver. Which means, i better go get starting now, or else i can't even get to wear my C/LTA rank, that ofcourse, Mdm Devi has kindly reminded me to take my NAPFA before submitting to her the form. Damn Damn Damn.
Fear of getting the worse...
And ofcourse, getting to know you has been one great thing that has happened lately. Albeit at such a year. I really hope i can get to know you better, as much as that is hope for. I don't want this to result in yet another case where both parties become total strangers.
Fear of the unexpected...
The sum of all fears then/-
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